I’ve been exploring the internet pretty much since I was 12 years old and if there’s one thing other than ‘memes’ which strike me as corny, it would have to be the overuse of the word ‘random’. Be it on social networking sites, message boards, and especially blogs, that word is almost omnipresent. A few years ago, the usual suspects who use that word were easily cognizable as young adolescent girls; however in these days, with Grandmothers using Facebook and Twitter, nobody can be really sure anymore.

It’s always ‘random this’ or ‘random that’, as if this word would magically transform whatever it is they’re trying to express into some form of ingenuity. Even if they don’t realize it themselves, but with the word ‘random’ attached to any sentence, it just sounds downright arrogant and stupid.

How come? One may ask. Look, if you write a blog about your interests perhaps say, literature, you don’t go on claiming that your post about what you think of Goethe’s “The Sorrows Of Young Werther” are just random thoughts and ideas which happen to go through your head at that random moment. Nobody would be so outrageous as to pretend that critiques on great works of fiction tend to “randomly” occupy one’s mind.

Then there are others who try their hardest to make their “random” posts look random in the utmost sense; they’d pick a topic, perhaps say about their celebrity crush, and write “random” observations about them such as commenting on their hairstyle, accent, or whatever. Now that may actually look random to some, but if one squints hard enough then he or she could see the obvious maneuver of trapping readers into thinking that this person with “random” thoughts is quirky and funny.

In a sardonic manner, I intend to ‘profile’ the aforementioned two kinds of “random” bloggers: the first type is usually a college freshman who’d just discovered an Encyclopedia or worst, the overrated philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche- they most likely would be girls (optionally a lesbian or bisexual), bespectacled, short-haired, with bad skin, and enjoys reading or writing fanfiction.

The second type is at the outset could easily be identifiable as pre-teen girls, but it goes far, far deeper than that; however elusive they may be to profile, I’ll give it my best shot anyway: these people are divided into four (4) sub-groups, the first group being those of the common type, the pre-teen girl with an inferiority complex- the proof of this inferiority complex is obvious from their dire attempts to come across as interesting or weird. The second group are young adults who are trying their best not to grow up (and one wonders why society is such a failure nowadays), they are slaves to the latest trends, and more often than not, not very intelligent. The third group is comprised of minorities, majority of which are Filipina girls who think that usage of the word “random” makes them sound more ‘Caucasian’; these minorities (note: Filipinas) are usually cosplayers and they tend to hang out at Anime forums or chatrooms, plus they unabashedly imitate the American accent whenever they speak the English language. The fourth group is your mom trying to be cute.

And there we have it, a complete and most probably accurate profile of the two kinds of people on the internet who enjoy the word “random” a bit too much.

I’m not sure why, but that bastion of sarcasm, Encyclopedia Dramatica is yet to have an entry regarding this “random” phenomenon. I have to wonder because I’m very much convinced that I am not the only person who has issues with the careless use of that word.

Going back to the two types, there are several characteristics to them which unite (well on second thought, the moms are probably not included in this) them as a formidable ‘random’ force. One is that they are all pretentious when it comes to their tastes, be it art or music; second is lack of popularity during their schooldays, and third and most important, they’re all pathetic attention whores.

Knowing this, nobody could really blame me if I can’t help but snort whenever I read a blog entry or a forum post which starts with “this is just a random…” to it. Sorry but it’s just so fake. As I wrote in this same post, you don’t go about saying that your three lengthy paragraphs about your favorite ice cream flavor is just a random quirky post about your favorite ice cream flavor, because surely, whether you refuse to admit it, at some point while writing those lengthy paragraphs about your “random” favorite ice cream flavor you would have been aware of what you are writing and how you want it to come across to your readers.

Therefore it is advisable that the next time you stumble upon the word “random” in the context of a long mundane blab about how the blogger loves Japanese culture, you know now what’s behind that. Take it from someone who’s been on the internet for far too long.

It is also quite funny to note that these people who claim to post their thoughts in a random manner are the same people with the most number of posts. By all means, they obviously want readers to think that they are so broad-minded, so well-read that they are able to encompass all kinds of topics in every “random” post. Nice try, but, no they’re not. With wikipedia and google at hand, literally every topic under and above the skies could be searched for at a single click.

Finally, this is not a random post ranting about the word random. It is as deliberate as deliberate gets. Deliberateness: the refreshing antithesis of random and my kind of word because I firmly hold on to the stance that if you say it, then you have to mean it.